Date: 2017-11-15 18:00
I think one thing that s really pointed out this trend of not taking male abuse seriously is with all the videos of how people react to abuse in public. People will rush to the girl s side and stop anything from potentially happening and berate the abuser. But a woman who is doing that to a man in public? Oh he probably deserved it. She was empowering herself by making him look like a fool. The mentality that women cannot be abusers is something we need to acknowledge just like any other domestic abuse statistic. Best example being here: https:///watch?v=LlFAd9YdQks
Exactly and well said. Just as it is rough to be female and have a higher sex drive than a male partner. Ultimately wouldn t it be great if we could drop a lot of the women/men narrative around these types of connection and intimacy issues and instead focus on the human aspect?
Perel’s status as a foreigner also seems to give her licence to say things that might be off limits to insiders. She can be amusingly merciless in her take on her fellow Americans, and the naive way we seem to think “there’s a solution to everything.” In France, she explains, “a smart book is a brilliant ramble. The smarter it is, the more unintelligible it is. Here the art is about simplifying things. Six steps, seven steps – God forbid you go above seven! But the dilemma of modern love is a complicated situation, it’s not five steps!”
The unwillingness of the betraying partner to engage in any such trust building behaviors calls into serious question his commitment to the LTLR.
Likewise, early signs of an unwillingness to &ldquo bend over backwards&rdquo to do things to earn back trust is also an indicator of an insincere commitment to the LTLR on the part of the betraying partner. The betraying partner&rsquo s acts have shattered the trust of his partner. The way to rebuild that trust is also through his actions. He has to be willing to be completely transparent and disclosive of his day-to-day actions.
Agreed, Lee. It stems from a place of thinking that women are weaker than men and therefore can t really damage or control men. This may be very derogatory to women, but in this case it s the male victims who suffer.
TED Guest Author This piece was written by a member of TED s community. It was commissioned and edited by TED staff.
Another finding is that some betrayed partners will have a harder time putting the infidelity in a different perspective with time. We have found that this often occurs with clients who have had insecure or avoidant attachments. In these cases, it is helpful to discuss with both clients how the individual&rsquo s history hampers the ability to trust again. Working with the couple and focusing in the session with the betrayed partner on discussing his or her fears and history is helpful. Sometimes some individual sessions can be useful as well.